beautiful things i see...

I can feel the pain in my throat rising as it slips further away. I begin to let go this world is fading, is this even real? Am I still breathing? Say goodbye to all you ever knew. This life has passed you, has let you go. It washes over me, gives me this curse.

I wonder if I exist in your mind anymore.
I wonder if I should care.

How can I really not be there.
I hold my breath and count to ten and try to bring my self to where you are.
I ran from you now your hiding from me.
Can this really be for the best letting myself go for you with out you calling out for help.

I feel weightless in this endless sleep I'm awake but not really here I drag my hand across something cold. hospital walls all around me people talking and I feel my self laughing. How can laughter come from a dead girl.

I see my fathers face aged and raged and I feel like crying but nothing comes out. I did this to him for you and you don't even care. We've been through this before me and my family my back bone we can do it again but why am I here again.

I feel weight less so weightless i feel as if I'm falling but I can't really feel anything else. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel it with every breath I take a part of me wants it to stop.

I've really done it this time says a nurse as she hooks me up to a machine she says "this might be cold" but I can't feel a thing as her hand slides up my grown and sticks things all over my. the rooms moving fast but we're still in place.

She tells me she needs me to get up and I nearly fall she must be right I've really done it this time. A part of me remembers what happens now. You fall away from me and I don't feel the same.

Every time I lave this place a part of me stays the part that really need to die.

Because I'm young I'm supposed to be stronger then this so I leave the bad behind who only knows how I manage to leave here a better person more focused stronger.

My faith gets ripped further from me each time but somewhere out there, there's hope. It's in my fathers eyes it's at the finger tips of my eldest brother I just needed the shock of death to feel the strength of there hope fighting through me for me. I need someone else to fight for me sometimes but I promise them it's the last and a part of me believes it. I'll get better with hope and faith I'll make it through the storm that has yet to pass.