Everyone has that one thing that makes them feel special, pretty, or confident. That one thing that they put on and it instantly makes them feel better about them self's. For the past five years I've had band shirts that are so worn their covered in holes and smell like me (not in a gross way). Just the other day though when I went searching for my favorite one I stumbled upon my favorite old two stringed pearl necklace, and I put it on and guess what, it gave me that same safe confident pretty feeling that it's never done before. The thing is I've never thought my jewelry could do this because I hate jewelry usually. I own a lot of it but hate it on for to long. Plus the shirts have kind of been a crutch for me all these years.
What I'm trying to say is in this crazy moment when the necklace was safely clasped around my neck and i touched and looked at myself in awe and felt better, safer I was extremely proud of myself. I instantly stopped looking for my shirt and went on with my day. It was then that I felt the gravitational pull further away from him.
People complain that they don't understand why i still speak of him but here are my thoughts:
*When I wasn't talking about him I wanted to.
*When I wasn't talking about him the second he came up I'd hyper ventilate and over react.
*When I wasn't talking about him and would see him I'd instantly take it as a sign from the love gods that we needed to get back together.
*When I wasn't talking about him I tried very stupid things because I was holding every comment in side and when I was alone they'd overwhelm me.
In all fairness I feel like Brandon needs to ask my friends just how much I use to bring him up in random everyday conversation once every ten minutes, because honestly I maybe bring him up once every two months. When were fighting. To prove a point. So do i think its the end of the world that he comes up? No, I actually think I'd be crazier if I didn't bring up the man I was in love with for a whopping five years and all of my high school experience. He's lucky that I edit him out of most of the stories I tell. Heck he brings up his ex at least once a week and they we're just together for a few months.
Of course this whole story will never leave my lips to Brandon because he'd accuse me of bringing him up too much once again.
